well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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