I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
