Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
