...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
