She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
