U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
