Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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