I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
