Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
