I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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