i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
