Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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