I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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