She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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