Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
