Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
