Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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