over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
