I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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