Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
