Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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