Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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