the condom got lost in my hair
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
