I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
