Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
