drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
