Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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