pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
