So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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