i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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