around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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