Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize