You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
