I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
