I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
