Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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