this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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