He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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