My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
