If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
