im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
