Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
