You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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