Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
