so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
