ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
