you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
