I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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