my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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