I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
