I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
