"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
