i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize