Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
