And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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