I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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