before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
