He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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