and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
