I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
