God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize