You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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