Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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