Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is not my ceiling
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
