I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
