The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
