Soap is not a condiment
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
