Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
