i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
