K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
