did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize