I have demons in me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
