return my video game
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
