You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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