the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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