Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
