The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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