Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
