I think my vagina is haunted
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
