Apparently you make a good broom.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
