the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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